And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
