Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
