im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
