No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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