i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
