mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
