i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
