Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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