And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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