I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
