Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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