So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
