new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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