Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Everyone says I win the strip club
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
