I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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