my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
