Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
