We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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