my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
