what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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