i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You're like the curious george of whores
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize