I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
