Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
