He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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