I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
