Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
