happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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