I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
