smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
