Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
