Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Everyone says I win the strip club
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
