I CAN MOONWALK!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
