Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
