U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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