you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You ate ashes out of my bong
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