I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
