What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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