Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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