Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
