and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hippo gnu deer
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
