I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
