If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
