I am in a vortex of obligation.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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