hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i dont even know how to be here
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
