just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
