I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
