if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
