Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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