how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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