I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
