dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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