I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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