Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
