I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We are all done wearing pants today
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize