so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
