so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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