I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
