You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
