She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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