so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
