well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
