I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize