Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
