my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
