i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize