Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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