she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
