my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just googled if crying burns calories
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
