I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
