I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize