I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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