I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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