beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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