So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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