Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
