I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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