Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Say something about gay babies.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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