I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
