i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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