So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
