Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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