How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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