She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
tell me about the eggs
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
