we have officially lost it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
