how can u be prego again
My cat gives me a boner
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
