so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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