it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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