he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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