im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
