Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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