I am in a vortex of obligation.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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