Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
