Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
