he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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