Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
