a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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