rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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