So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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